“My dad was a United States Air Force Vietnam veteran. He was a genuine hero willing to fight for his country, but he was my hero because he was my dad,” Ashley Lee said.
From the time Ashley was one year old, her father, Darrell, raised her as a single parent. He may not have mastered side ponytails, but he excelled at shopping trips, Girl Scout outings, and cheering together at sports games, especially Major League Baseball and NBA matchups where they would cheer on the San Francisco Giants and Golden State Warriors. He loved classic cars, good laughter, and giving generously to anyone in need.
When he was officially diagnosed with ALS in 2009, doctors believed he had already been living with the disease for more than 20 years. The news changed everything, yet his optimism and sense of humor remained constant.
Becoming her father’s caregiver as an adult came with emotional shifts. “We essentially had to switch roles…Being the caregiver to your father as an adult daughter is much different than being a caregiver [to your] spouse. In some ways, it's much harder, but easier in other ways.”
Their bond deepened as they navigated those changes. Caring for him gave her a front-row seat to his willpower. Together, they created new memories while traveling and focused on making the most of life. “ALS gave us time to appreciate one another [by] making memories traveling and live to the fullest as if everyday was our last (it literally could have been).”
Her father’s military background shaped the way he faced ALS. The values of resilience and discipline he carried from his time in the Air Force guided him.
“He never felt sorry for himself,” Ashley said. “Each time ALS took something new from him, he focused on what he still had to be thankful for. At some point, it became him against ALS and he refused to let the disease win.”
Caregiving taught Ashley lessons that extend far beyond the years by her father’s side.
“I realized I could handle hard things, even when I thought I couldn’t. I learned how to love bigger, appreciate more, and forgive quicker,” Ashley said.
Through the hard days and the beautiful ones, she discovered a new perspective on compassion: putting herself in others’ shoes, and understanding the humanity behind every struggle.
“For all his faults that younger me may have felt strong about, he did his best to be the best dad he could, and I was infinitely blessed to have the most incredible, loving dad, anyone could ever ask for.”
When asked what she wishes others knew about ALS caregiving, she reflects with quiet gratitude.
“As awful and ugly as ALS most certainly is, in the midst of it all, it is still possible to find gratitude for the fact that you are able to be there for your loved one.”
Today and every day, we honor our veterans, those who put their lives on the line for our country and risk it all, knowing that veterans are twice as likely to develop ALS.We also recognize the caregivers and daughters like Ashley, who give so much of themselves to care for their loved ones living with ALS. Their strength and compassion embody what it means to live like Lou.
